We Broke Up

Three months ago I left Jeremy. I haven’t mentioned it because I wondered if we’d get back together, and I didn’t want to go spreading our business everywhere. It’s obvious to me now that that isn’t going to happen, so I think it’s time to say my piece.

It happened very suddenly, and very sloppily, and any time I stop to think about it I feel sick. But I had been feeling sick for a long time.

Everything that I knew would happen happened. I hurt and lost my best friend. People who I knew wouldn’t support my decision haven’t supported my decision. It all hurt the way I knew it would. I don’t want to hurt anybody.

That’s why I stayed very still, and tried to change the way I felt. Because if the things that I want hurt the people that I care about, then I don’t want them anymore. So I didn’t want them anymore. The process took a terrible toll on my mind and body.

Some people offered me the same bewildering catchphrase: “How could you throw away almost 7 years?” As if they knew anything about it. None of them knew how hard I had been fighting. None of them noticed. Maybe that makes me strong.

I did it wrong. Even if I was strong, I was just as stupid. I don’t know how things would have turned out if I had known how to do it differently. All I can do is my new best.

1 comments

  1. aliyah says:

    You are a brave and strong woman. I will say it a million times if I must, but it takes courage to have made the decision you made.

    Adulting is hard, yo. Way to rock at it.

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