Three months ago I left Jeremy. I haven’t mentioned it because I wondered if we’d get back together, and I didn’t want to go spreading our business everywhere. It’s obvious to me now that that isn’t going to happen, so I think it’s time to say my piece.
It happened very suddenly, and very sloppily, and any time I stop to think about it I feel sick. But I had been feeling sick for a long time.
Everything that I knew would happen happened. I hurt and lost my best friend. People who I knew wouldn’t support my decision haven’t supported my decision. It all hurt the way I knew it would. I don’t want to hurt anybody.
That’s why I stayed very still, and tried to change the way I felt. Because if the things that I want hurt the people that I care about, then I don’t want them anymore. So I didn’t want them anymore. The process took a terrible toll on my mind and body.
Some people offered me the same bewildering catchphrase: “How could you throw away almost 7 years?” As if they knew anything about it. None of them knew how hard I had been fighting. None of them noticed. Maybe that makes me strong.
I did it wrong. Even if I was strong, I was just as stupid. I don’t know how things would have turned out if I had known how to do it differently. All I can do is my new best.