Heeeeyyyy guuuuuyssss, where have you been? Haha– see, ’cause it’s my blog, and I’m the one that’s been absent! But I’m inferring that my problems are your fault to make it look like I would do anything imaginable to make my life better were I not made powerless by external forces beyond my control which make me fail! Which is the exact opposite of what this post is about!
A lot has happened since my last update, because I finally was able to say “I’m ready.” Not, “I’m ready because I’ve sufficiently prepared myself,” but, “I’m ready because it’s time that I was.” I’ve felt paralyzed for so long, it’s such a relief to be able to just move again. I felt equal accomplishment in renewing my passport as I did selling my house, even though the scale of each task is completely different. The specifics of what I’ve accomplished are irrelevant; the satisfaction I feel from just doing is what’s really got me feeling good.
Your success is up to you. If that sounds scary and overwhelming, congratulations! You’re a responsible person. You understand the weight of your decisions and actions, and how they effect yourself and others. You don’t want to screw it up! This is a rational line of thought, but it’s incomplete– and ultimately immature. You can only access the full scope your capabilities if you mess up. Sorry, but you’ve gotta suck. I’ve found that the times that I’ve been proudest of myself have been after I’ve done something dumb and had to fall over myself trying to fix it before anyone noticed (or got too annoyed). Your successes are part of your character, but so are your mistakes– especially how you’ve handled making them.
If fear of making a mistake is the thing that’s stopping you from trying, I hope that you will search out the brave part of you and feed it. Feed it a little task to pique its appetite. See how you fare. See what you can do. I know that this concept won’t be news to many of you. I know that it’s a lesson you’ve probably had thrown at you time and time again over the years. I also know that the pasta won’t stick until it’s cooked– so if you’re not ready, you’re not ready– but you are the only person who can say when you will be.