Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego

I don’t remember what year it was. Actually, I don’t remember much of anything about that Christmas– except for the N64. It was Damien’s present, but he has always been a doting (and malleable) big brother.

“But you already have Zelda.”

I wasn’t disappointed, though. I’d always enjoyed watching him play A Link to the Past. I’d tell him not to swipe the cuccos, what to bomb, where to go next; like he needed my help.

“It’s a new one. A sequel.”

I didn’t know they could do that.

He got other games, too, and for the first time ever, Dad gave us each a Terry’s Chocolate Orange in the toe of our respective stockings (they pushed a hard marketing campaign that year: Tap and Unwrap. The Great Deku Tree tastes like orange oil forever). We played hard: I’d wake up at 5am and rouse my poor teenage brother so we could get a few good hours in before we did whatever we had to do that day. We’d turn the sound off the TV– not to keep from disturbing dad, but to listen to my Weird Al CD, to dilute the sound of skulltulas. Only one sensory offense at a time, thank you.

When we needed a break, we’d put in a different game. Diddy Kong Racing was my go-to. I wasn’t terribly skilled at it, but I always won where airplanes were involved. I understood that hovercrafts were the racing connoisseur’s favoured mode of transport, but I’ve always been a straight line, A-to-B kind of girl. Plus, you do a flip when you cross the finish line in an airplane! I impaled the tip of my tongue on a too-savoured cinnamon candycane the first time that happened.

I’m taking a break from making “Christmas” this year– I just want to make memories. 2014 has been the best, most uncomfortably fulfilling year of my life so far. I’m looking forward to more of this bullshit.


  1. lokk says:

    A Link to the Past was the ONLY Zelda game. You should be making games now with all of your knowledge.

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