Easy Alterations

Today I spent an exorbitant amount of money updating my work wardrobe. I had been feeling rather drab at the office as of late, for two main reasons.

Reason the First: it had become difficult for me to justify spending money on (what I sometimes consider to be) my alter ego’s wardrobe. Saving $20 instead of spending it became more important to me than treating myself to something that (I had convinced myself) I really didn’t need anyway.

Reason the Second: I find that if I look “too nice” at work, an alarming number of customers assume that when I picked my outfit that morning, I did it for them, in the hopes that they would comment on my body. Surprisingly, I only consider the weather, the locale, and my mood when choosing an outfit. I know. You’re asking “How can a decent person not consider how their outfit selection will affect a perfect stranger’s ability to keep their perfectly strange trap shut?” LIKE THIS.

The point is, I had settled for “It’s fine.” when I should have been shooting for “Aww yiss.” It was time to purchase clothing because I liked it, not because it was adequate.

Off I went to the mall. I found a skirt that was on sale and machine washable– and I really liked it. But I didn’t like that the pockets were actual, functioning pockets. Who keeps anything in the pockets of their dress garments?

Are you kidding me?

Because everyone wants extra bulk on their small back, right?

I had figured out why they were on sale, and I started to imagine if and how I could or would improve the fit of the garment. It would be a pretty easy fix. So, I bought the skirt (and three cardigans, haaaaaaay), and brought it home to my laboratory.


Sew along the temporary stitch that the slave-baby sewed in India.


Carefully snip away the extra bulk with some fabric shears.


Leave enough fabric that the seams will have something to hold on to.

Banana Republic Skirt

Make it work for you! Work, work, work.


Who was this designed for?

I’m more likely to like something that doesn’t add 1/2 cm of useless bulk to my small back.

Et voila! You’ve taken something “meh” and made it “meEEEEEOW-OW-OWWW!” I had completely forgotten that I actually like clothes. I had become distracted by the voice inside of my head that tells me I’m only deserving of that which is not wasted on me.

People tell you to dress for the job you want, not the job you have– but I don’t think a Wonder Woman bustier is appropriate to wear to the office. I would disregard the advice altogether, and instead implore people to dress for the body you have, not the body think you ought to have. If you swathe yourself in layer upon layer of oversized things you think are “good enough” instead of “good gracious me”, you’re doing yourself a major disfavour. In one episode of “What Not to Wear”, Clinton and Stacy rebuked a guest that said she didn’t take care of herself because “it’s what’s inside that counts” by asking that guest to look at her reflection in the mirror. Then they asked her to tell them what was inside.

The guest cried and cried and cried.

That guest was me.

Nah, just kidding, but could you imagine?!?

This post was guest written by M. Knight Shamallamanana.

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